Andy Warhol corrected

I just took down my season's greets cards from 2008. Among the gems was this one:

(In Facebook, click on the title to see the pic.)

Hangover Cure

I found this among my bathroom reading books. I'll try it this week and let you know if it works: 

Sure I believe it, don't you?

So, first you strip. Then you write on your own chest... looking in a mirror and writing backwards... then you tape your hands together and then you slip on a noose... what a second, you can't slip on a noose if your hands are duck-taped... so you slip on the noose, then ducktape your wrists together... hmmm... how can you ducktape your own wrists?  Hmmm, I'm sure they thought of something. 

This one isn't funny: Drug Companies buy Reviews

This is from LIFE EXTENTION magazine. It reports on the drug company WYETH, and how it paid doctors to write "papers" on their drugs... with no research, sometimes just adding their name, without writing anything!

If you want to see a more easily readable version of this, I've posted one here.

A Jewish Transexual Magazine?

Here it is, right from Italy. I was thrilled to get it: 

TRANI EBRAICA

What else could it mean?

Unfortunately, it's not so exotic, though it is inspiring. "Trani" turns out to be a town in Italy. This is the magazine of the Jewish community there, all 18 of 'em. 

Not only self-proclaimed, but...

Right on the heels of the "self-proclaimed athiest," comes THE ATHEIST PREACHER. I can imagine the old atheist revival meeting, the atheist snake handlers. 

GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND FEEL THE POWER OF NO GOD RUNNING THROUGH YOUR BODY. AMEN

Fad Diets to Beat a Bust

I think someone sent this to me. I wish I could give proper credit. 

Do they take your dog away?

First time in my life I saw this sign. At Kennedy Airport, on Sunday...

Strange she didn't notice

I can't figure this one out... unless everything was done under anaesthetic  and she woke up to the surprise. Seems to me, it's something you'd notice a little earlier. 

Self-Proclaimed Self-Proclaimer

I found this in a fit of shredding. It's from 1967, and why I have it, I don't know. But, I love the idea of SELF-PROCLAIMED atheist. What other kind is there? A Church-Accused atheist? A don't-ask-don't-tell atheist? 

In the BBQ window...

This was a sign in the window of Dallas Barbecue. It looked pretty permanent, but what does it mean?

1. People not in the pharmaceutical industry cannot place catering orders?

2. People in the pharmaceutical industry are especially welcome, because we enjoy using your products?

3. People in the pharmaceutical industry are especially welcome, because the animals we kill and barbecue are full of your products?

4. People in the pharmaceutical industry were formerly not welcome, but we've changed our policy?

Any other ideas?

Another Ed Anger Classic

Here's another classic from my hero, Ed Anger. If you're not familiar
with him, you should be.

One of my proudest moments was being called

"The Ed Anger of Punk."

Isn't it genius?

     "...even when the smell of death was so sickening it would've made a maggot puke."

What can Board, Bukowski, Mailer, or even Celine say to that? It's pure poetry.

Violence is as violence sees?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The W.T.F. for S.U.V.s

Like the morons who fight against national health care, SUV owners are something I can't understand. Such an effort and expense to do the wrong thing.

The cars guzzle gas. They're impossible to park. They block vision. They're rude on the road. They're just wrong. MAYBE if you live in North Dakota and have to drive over a glacier... I donno. But what the hell could you want one for if you live in the city?

They're safe! Came the answers. They protect you. A big car is safer than a small car.
Now comes this from Car & Travel magazine:




Is there any excuse left?

FIJA: Jury Duty Could be A Good Thing!

NOTE: This one isn't funny...

We all hate Jury duty right? I hate it more than ever since the last time I served and was bullied into voting guilty. (I was the only holdout.) The guy was guilty, but I hated the wiretap and spy stuff that convicted him. I wanted to vote my conscience, but everyone else just wanted to go home.

We'll for those will more hormone generators than me, here's some ammunition. (How's that for a mixed metaphor?) Click on the pic to get a more readable image.  It's one of my pet causes:

Satan Bless the NY Post!

It's clean-out time (that should be obvious from the number of posts lately). I found this one under a pile of papers by the stereo. (Remember stereos?)

The paper's from 1992, but the headline recalls an earlier headline. A famous one from 1941... yep Pearl Harbor. Pretty sneaky of Murdock and crew... huh?

I'm The NRA

Why did I keep this ad from 1986? Maybe it was a premonition. Here's what Wikipedia says about Gutman:

In the 1998 senatorial election, Goldman accused his opponent of putting "a bunch of blotches of voodoo crap" on his car, "Santería stuff."Gutman won the election.

In 1998 he was indicted along with his wife by the United States Attorney's Office for the Southern District of Florida on charges of conspiracy to commit Medicare fraud. Charges were related to 1992 events in a home health care company with an office that was used during his senatorial campaign as a headquarter.

Charges against wife were dropped to one misdemeanor count; On 6th day of trial he pleaded guilty to one felony conspiracy count that he benefited from home health care companies that defrauded Medicare. He resigned from the Florida Senate as part of the plea bargain that called for a 2 year prison term.

And my favorite quote from the ad: I would like to see tougher laws on criminals as opposed to tougher laws on legitimate gun owners. 

Yeah!

In Case You Were Wondering What They Think...

Here is a scan of the "Law Enforcement Code of Ethics." In case you were stopped for Driving While Black, or asked for your ID when you were innocently walking down the street (with a strange haircut). Some of my favorite quotes:

1. I will protect the weak against oppression or intimidation.
2. I will never permit personal feelings to influence my decisions.
3. ... dedicating myself before God to my chose profession... law enforcement

Surrealist Christianity?

This is an old leaflet. It's background is complicated. If you write to me I'll explain it. But I think it's necessary to first appreciate it without prior... er... prejudice.

Japan Necessary or Possible?

I found this on the internet today. I think the comment is wrong. It should read:

JAPAN NO FURTHER DESCRIPTION IS POSSIBLE

--mb

NOW I GET IT!

I'm sure the majority of blog-readers are too young to remember cigarette ads. This one is from the 60s, I think. I didn't really get it at the time. But, recently, I found it on the back of an old LIFE magazine. And NOW I get it. For those on Facebook, click on the title to see the ad. 

(Look at the expressions on their faces. Talk about Facebook(s)!)

OK, I've heard of specialized schools before. I remember the old secretarial schools where they taught shorthand and typing skills to girls out to earn their M.R.S. But sometimes (thankfully for this blog), reality is its own parody. (This ad was in the Utne Reader.)

I've heard of specialty shops... and niche marketing. But this is ridiculous! (Photo taken in Soho, NYC)

OK, I finally feel imperial. I never thought there would be a royal spot in the world that I might someday occupy... but this is America. I guess this means we can all be kings. (Photo taken in a parking lot in New Jersey.) 

 

Paying Less to Reach 100

Even in Japan, where respecting the aged is a tradition, the call of the economy takes top priority. It's sad. You live 100 years and all you get it is 3.54 inches. In America, on the other hand, you get bubkas. (For those who don't know.)

Taking Concerns Seriously

So my Metrocard just stopped working. There was still $2.00+ on the card. CARD DAMAGED SEE AGENT came the flashing light on the turnstyle. The agent, of course, was as helpful as a water fountain in a flood. She did give me an official reporting form which I was supposed to send to the MTA. The form asks for, among other things, the number of the machine where the card was bought, the amount left on the card, the credit card used to charge the card, and a ton of other information no one is going to know a week after buying a card.

I filled out as much as I could and mailed the thing in. A month later comes this form letter:

Along with a brand new Metrocard worth a brand new 25¢. Now that's what I call service! 

Now, Travel the US and be watch MORE closely

I guess it's the same system Australia uses. You're "automatic visa" isn't anymore. You have to complete an online e-visa in order to visit the U.S. That means filling out an on-line form (in English, I bet) and being registered before you get to the U.S. Of course, that means it's more difficult for poorer, more rural people to visit. And also those who don't speak English... but I feel a lot safer, don't you?

How many countries are ahead of us?

This is from the AARP newspaper of October 2008. They do quickly skip by the fact that the U.S. ranks 42 in longevity. Some places it's gone down! And they blame it on smoking!! Huh? The smoking rate has DECREASE in the U.S. over the past 10 years. Why don't you blame it on the drug and insurance companies? Maybe because the drug and insurance companies ADVERTISE in the magazine. Tobacco companies don't. 

Calvin Klein goes Bi

It's hard to believe, but Calvin Klein outdid himself (itself). This billboard is now on Houston Street in Noho. I'm not a fan of corporate America, especially the fascion world... but...

What can I say?

Hard to Imagine Bush Chicken...

It's hard to imagine another politician... or at least AMERICAN politician having fried chicken stores vie for naming rights. I love it. America is getting fun again... or at least New York. 

I've been saying this for years...

EXHIBIT ONE:





EXHIBIT TWO:

Q.E.D.

Dija Stay here?

THE COST OF FILTH, THESE DAYS!



Ah the advantages of Couch Surfing! And the killer is that four of the top ten are in the NYC area, and the number one dirtiest hotel costs more than $100 a night per person!! 

Nothing like a Reved-up Blue Collar Male, I say

Consumer Reports scammed its way into a beverage convention. One of their most interesting (and amusing) findings was the CocaCola exhibit. Coke talked about their various brands, and who drank them. If I'd drunk Evian before (like my influential cosmopolitan friends here in New York), I'd slink away with my tail between my legs. I'd much rather Rev-up the working class. Maybe it'll keep Obama in for another 4 years.

Machine Translation

I love it when some Chinese export company thinks they can run something through the machine translator, and then print it. Comes out in perfect English, huh? It's job security for linguists and proof-readers, I'd say.

Jim Hayes sent me this from Georgia. Now I understand... it was MIDOL that did it! I thought it was me! --Mykel

It Pays to Go To Barber School

Looks like barbering is a better choice of profession than teaching. Who wudda thunk it?